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Column

I had it all together. My plans were all set. I was going to walk across the FMA stage at the end of this semester and be handed my diploma, proof that I had completed my bachelor of science in biology. And then I’d continue on to chiropractic school next fall.

Or so I thought.

Three weeks into last semester, my plans took an unexpected turn.

Although it was my senior year, it was the first semester that the bulk of my classes were science courses, and I was not enjoying them.

I’d had doubts about my classes before, but I always ended up pushing those thoughts aside, attributing them to just frustration with how difficult the classes were. And difficulty is never a reason to give up on a goal.

Having so many science classes at once intensified the feelings I had previously experienced and also gave me a glimpse of what grad school would be like.

Ironically, the one class I had looked forward to the most since freshman year was the one I disliked the most.

I started to seriously rethink if I was really headed down the right path. That mid-September weekend was full of difficult questions.

Should I even be considering changing my major at this point?

If I don’t study science, then what in the world will I do with my life?

Am I really ready to let go of all my plans?

And if I do change, should I finish out this semester, or should I pack up and go home now?

I prayed that God would make His will perfectly clear to me; I was so scared I’d make the wrong decision.

The following Wednesday, I packed up my car and started the 15-hour drive back home. I chose to make a change.

Even though I knew this decision would lead me down a completely different road, and many people I talked to thought I was making a mistake, I had peace. An all-encompassing, incredible peace that I knew could not have come anywhere but from God. And that was enough.

It was so strange to go back home for the rest of the semester while everyone else continued on in school.

I went back to my old job and had a lot of time to think about what my next step would be.

I tossed a few majors around in my head, but the only one that sounded appealing to me was creative writing.

Writing is something I’ve always enjoyed, but was it really something to do as a career?

When I came back this semester I still wasn’t sure how everything would work out, but I decided to try it.

I could say that I love everything about my new creative writing major, and that I definitely know what I’m going to do with my life now, but that would be a lie.

The truth is, change is difficult. It’s hard adjusting to a new circle of professors and classmates.

It’s hard realizing that friends I’ve had so many classes with over the past few years will walk across that stage in May without me, while I have to wait another year to graduate.

I struggle with feeling extra pressure to succeed, to prove to myself that this decision was really what God wants for me.

But through all the doubts, fears and difficulties I’m experiencing, God is with me.

Through this experience, I’m learning to trust God on a deeper level than I ever have before.

I may not know exactly what my life will look like five years from now or if I’ll even be using what I’m studying now. But I don’t have to have it all worked out because God knows.

I know that He makes no mistakes, and as long as I stay sensitive to Him, He’ll guide me every step of the way.