April Fools: BJU adds circus arts major

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April Fools: BJU adds circus arts major

Freshman Don Key, in required business casual makeup and dress, assesses his audience for his first circus arts performance. Photo: Lindsay Shaleen

This article contains fictional content. Happy April Fools’ Day!

BJU is adding circus arts to the list of undergraduate majors upon fervent recommendations from students, faculty and local clowns.

Circus arts will consist of two years of intense training in BJU’s Alumni Stadium. This will provide adequate time for students involved in the program to learn how to balance a dining common to-go box in each hand while wearing a backpack and carrying an instrument, since this endeavor typically presents a problem to the average student. Faculty members will train students to run quickly enough to still maintain right-ofway when they cross the street, despite oncoming vehicles. Puddle jumping, science building navigation and Reveal escape are some of the other aspects of this program.

To complete major requirements, students’ capstone will include a comprehensive examination of all skills developed throughout their coursework, as well as a tightrope walk between Rodeheaver and the parking garage. BJU hopes graduates of the program will be equipped to act hilariously at any circus they may wish to be a part of as well as jump through tricky hurdles of everyday life. Academic dean of comedic events involving physical risk, Dr. Albert Einstein, said he thinks in light of the pandemic, BJU needed to implement something to add a little spice to life.

Academic provost Wary Geier is excited about what this new program could potentially do for BJU. “Students will be equipped to be funnier than ever before,” Geier said. “I could care less about GPAs; hilarity is what matters most.” Geier and the academic deans’ council approved the program in January of this year and plan to implement it in the upcoming academic year.

Freshman Don Key, in required business casual makeup and dress, assesses his audience for his first circus arts performance. Photo: Lindsay Shaleen

President Tittep said the hiring process has not been easy. “Few professors seem to have an interest in teaching such a challenging major,” he said. “They have to create their own curriculum, which is a difficult endeavor.” Tittep also noted that alumni are not happy about the change. “Some of them have said this major addition is just causing BJU to go downhill,” he said. Tittep also commented that Facebook is exploding with alumni comments.

Students, on the other hand, are delighted about this new option. Freshman Don Key said he is excited to walk the tightrope for his capstone project. “I know it will take some practice, but I hope to succeed over all other circus arts majors,” he said.

Circus arts will be offered to incoming students and current students who would like to put in a major request change. As soon as the program is underway, BJU academic officials will continually evaluate it until they feel the activities involved have reached satisfactory standards. Tittep believes circus arts will only enhance BJU’s slogan “Learn. Love. Lead.” “After all, what could add more zest to the student experience than circus arts,” he said.

Students involved in the program will get to interact with clowns on a daily basis as well as attend circuses on days of rest. Participants must wear mismatched socks and striped pants to adhere to BJU’s business casual dress guidelines.