Bruins fans shocked by favorite mascot’s apalling rebellious phase

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Bruins fans shocked by favorite mascot’s apalling rebellious phase

After encouragement from his friends on Bruins teams, Brody has agreed to visit the Student Care office for daily counseling sessions until he fully recovers from his recent uncharacteristic actions.
Photo: Melia Covington and Arianna Rayder

Bob Jones University’s very own mascot, Brody, has lately developed a rebellious streak.

“Am I really even a Bruin anymore?” Brody said at a recent game, showing shocking disrespect for the Bruins.

The rebellion started off small. According to his resident assistant, Brody stopped cleaning for room job a few weeks ago. However, the subtle acts of mutiny continued.

Last Wednesday during chapel, Abby Davis, a sophomore elementary education major, said, “I heard Brody listening to a sports podcast out loud during the service.”

“Brody smelled so bad I had to hold the edge of my shirt over my nose to keep from passing out,” Rebecca Cradock, a sophomore studio art major said on the same day. Brody’s RA said that the bear is refusing to shower as a protest against the lack of appreciation from the student body.

During a recent game, students observed Brody slouching on the sidelines with earbuds in. “I just don’t see the point anymore,” Brody said.

“We are aware of the situation with Brody and we’re doing everything we can to resolve it,” Jonny Gamet, the Bruins Assistant Athletic Director for Communications and Marketing, said.

According to his RA, Brody’s demerits kept piling up—so much so that he could have paid to renovate a dorm—but Brody didn’t seem to care. He even missed a recent game, according to Silas Stawarski, a junior underwater rugby major, and the Bruins were left to fend for themselves without a mascot.

After that, according to Gamet, Brody disappeared for a while. He skipped practices and games, and the student body stopped seeing him around campus. That is, until the recent game with Pensacola Christian College. Brody did not miss the game, but to the shock and mortification of the student body, the Bruins and coaches, Brody appeared wearing PCC gear.

“I remember my heart dropping to my gut when I saw it,” Liam Shadwick, a sophomore cinema major who attended the game, said. “I didn’t realize Brody felt so neglected, but I never thought he would stoop quite that low.”

Several days after the game, Brody made a statement to the student body apologizing for his actions. “I let my emotions get the better of me,” he said. “When I walked out there in that PCC merch and looked into the faces of their students, I just realized how empty I felt cheering for their team. It made me want to come home, you know?”

Brody asked for the student body’s forgiveness for this incident and hopes to move past it with a new respect for the school. “We are Bruins,” he said. “It’s as simple as that. I love our fans and I know they love me too.”